Sunday, December 31, 2006
Topical but tasteless
What with the hanging this weekend, one of the holiest of the year, and all, my cynicism has reached new depths. I guess folks figured it's a good idea to get rid of old business before the start of the new year. My New Year's Resolution for 2007 is to be more idealistic and sincere, so I have to get some designs out before the clock strikes midnight. Take a look, and expect a very different person tomorrow morning.
This one is to encourage tourism in Iraq. I think it works:
This one is to encourage tourism in Iraq. I think it works:
I did another version with the Spider Hole, Uncle Charlie Manson style Saddam:
This one is a little more serious, but thought provoking. If you feel that the hanging represents a precedent for heads of state who instigate the murder of innocents, this might appeal to you:
This one is my favorite. Thanks to my friend James for this one!:
Think about it for a second. It'll come to you...
Because I know that no one visits this site but those who are a little bit morbid, I took a few minutes to make these into shirts, mugs, and the like for purchase! Enjoy you heathens!
Because I know that no one visits this site but those who are a little bit morbid, I took a few minutes to make these into shirts, mugs, and the like for purchase! Enjoy you heathens!
Labels: Bush, hanging, Saddam Hussein
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Movie!
So I just wanted to let y'all know that due to high demand, you can now temporarily get the movie Dann Sytsma and I directed, Comic Evangelists, on DVD now! Go to this site. $20, cheap!
Friday, December 15, 2006
Off
Happy holidays everyone! Amy and the cats and I are driving off into the frigid sunset.
the patents
Google has a new "patent" tool on its website, through which you can search the entire annals of the US Patent Office. As soon as I found out, I just couldn't resist, my first search was of course: douchebag.
I found out so much about the douche, that I am now an amateur expert. For example, one of the most technologically complex douches was invented by Carl E. Sims of Cisco, TX in 1923. Just look here at how much time and attention he paid to each of the blades and the plunger:
But don't take my word for how cool this is. See for yourself!
I found out so much about the douche, that I am now an amateur expert. For example, one of the most technologically complex douches was invented by Carl E. Sims of Cisco, TX in 1923. Just look here at how much time and attention he paid to each of the blades and the plunger:
But don't take my word for how cool this is. See for yourself!
Monday, December 11, 2006
Soul patch
When projects just take forever I tend not to shave. I had a ton of work to do the past couple weeks. And to my surprise, I started to grow this really awesomely pathetic beard. It was all spotty. I finally decided last night I should do something about it. So I shaved part of it off. At first it looked like this:
Then I was told to shave it or else. So then it looked a little bit like this, except with more 'stache:
So I was told, once more that I had to cut it.
It looked like this:
So now I'm clean shaven. My face is bare. And I have no pictures to prove that I ever had the facial hair to begin with. People don't understand that for me facial hair is a really rare occurrence. Like Haley's Comet, except less predictable. So now I don't know when it will come back.
Pity my poor face, for it shall have no winter coat.
Then I was told to shave it or else. So then it looked a little bit like this, except with more 'stache:
So I was told, once more that I had to cut it.
It looked like this:
So now I'm clean shaven. My face is bare. And I have no pictures to prove that I ever had the facial hair to begin with. People don't understand that for me facial hair is a really rare occurrence. Like Haley's Comet, except less predictable. So now I don't know when it will come back.
Pity my poor face, for it shall have no winter coat.
Saturday, December 9, 2006
Overheard in DC: Yeah, they were probably doing that back then, too
Little girl: Why did daddy go to a different school?
Mommy: Daddy wanted to be a soldier.
Little boy: Shoot the Iraqis! Bam Bam Bam!!
--American University McDonald's
:yet again, overheard by Amy
Overheard in DC: ...well, not so much anymore....
Parent: Going to this school was hard.
Four-year old boy: Like your penis?
--American University McDonald's
again, c/o Amy
Friday, December 8, 2006
Remember Me?
Remember this guy? I've been working on a definition for the word douchebag, and this guy comes pretty close.
Anyway, I was thinking about him today while reading somebody's term paper and recalling how this guy had had trouble with his report about space because it was too chock full of information. A quick search on the ubiquitous youtube and there are five people with this commercial uploaded! Two things struck me while watching it again for the first time in over a decade:
(1) I was surprised by the condescending tone and thinly veiled annoyance of the announcer. I hadn't realized at the time that he too knew this character was a douchebag. I guess you just figure these things out when you get older.
(2) I could actually recall lines from this from memory! I mean, I shouldn't be surprised; if you're a young TV junkie and they play this commercial thirty times during one episode of Super Sloppy Double Dare of course you're going to retain some scar of it. But why couldn't they have an equally infectious, annoying, and repeated commercial about biology or trigonometry? Maybe then I would have gotten in that AP math class.
At least I know where the mandibula is.
Anyway, I was thinking about him today while reading somebody's term paper and recalling how this guy had had trouble with his report about space because it was too chock full of information. A quick search on the ubiquitous youtube and there are five people with this commercial uploaded! Two things struck me while watching it again for the first time in over a decade:
(1) I was surprised by the condescending tone and thinly veiled annoyance of the announcer. I hadn't realized at the time that he too knew this character was a douchebag. I guess you just figure these things out when you get older.
(2) I could actually recall lines from this from memory! I mean, I shouldn't be surprised; if you're a young TV junkie and they play this commercial thirty times during one episode of Super Sloppy Double Dare of course you're going to retain some scar of it. But why couldn't they have an equally infectious, annoying, and repeated commercial about biology or trigonometry? Maybe then I would have gotten in that AP math class.
At least I know where the mandibula is.
Tuesday, December 5, 2006
Whale Sounds
Anyone who has come to DC and used its Metro system knows of its cleanliness, its efficiency, and its sensitivity to the needs of DC's 40,000-plus hobos.
What few people know about - very few - is that the DC metro system is one of the biggest supporters of endangered whale breeding.
Many have wondered why the DC Metro system's escalators are so long and run so deep. Four of the top five longest uninterrupted escalators are in DC's metro system.
Some would have you believe that these escalators run so deep because DC was built on a swamp and therefore the metro must be deeper underground to avoid cave-ins. However, we believe it to be because Metro architects wished to use the space on the other side of the escalators for an experimental whale breeding program, the likes of which no single institution has ever equaled.
Originally begun years ago to produce black market whale blubber, the program went legit in 1986 when the International Whaling Commission banned the hunting of whales. Since then, the WMATA has been breeding whales strictly for altruistic purposes.
Why the secrecy? Tax status. For now WMATA still keeps its whaling operations covert because it would otherwise have to pay exorbitant taxes under an outdated tax law having to do with animal breeding on the same premises as an institution operating for the purposes of transportation.
You doubt this? How could it possibly be, you say? Exclusively on the Blanket Statement, we have the first in a series exhibits definitively proving the covert whale breeding program. This audio was taken as I was riding the escalator during one night during the mating season: whale sounds
Have more proof? Please share.
Monday, December 4, 2006
A Poem, Part II
Well, the mystery is, at least partially, solved. Some of the phrases and statements from the spam message I received were traced back to this page:
Where the Hell Was I?
Now how they got themselves out of order, found my email, and made their way through the series-of-tubes to me with a virus-filled attachment is beyond me. Any clues?
Where the Hell Was I?
Now how they got themselves out of order, found my email, and made their way through the series-of-tubes to me with a virus-filled attachment is beyond me. Any clues?
A Poem
I got this weird Spam email - I usually just delete them without even looking but for some reason I looked at this. It had a weird attachment which i didn't look at, but I've included the text below. What does it mean? And why am I being solicited for it? It reads like one of the obscure Dada poems of Erik Satie:
"metallic
I'll see you guys in April. All work and no tasty basted dead animals,
you know how it is. The established rules of grammar are sadly silent
on matters concerning noises to be derived from 'euil' letter
combinations. But they'd take away my weekend warrior card if I walked
out of the gym without some sort of ache, pull, limp, or a hitch in my
giddyup.
I'd better stay home to be safe.
If there's a new prescription drug on the market, run all sorts of
articles about the miracles of that particular drug. There were two
fat-fingered lumps of limb down there, and I had no control over them.
Or what if they do, but you need more of a break? Still, not being
able to recognize people at a glance poses quite a challenge. If I
order all the random Christmas crap I need to give out by the weekend,
it'll be here in plenty of time for the big day.
I'm not looking forward to that.
Meanwhile, the only exercise I got for two full weeks was cramming
food into my gob with one hand, and waving with the other for the
waiter to bring me more.
With nothing to hold onto for balance, I had to make tiny and constant
adjustments at the hips, knees, and shoulders. I'll see you guys in
April. It's a blatant case of corporate ethics gone bad in the
popular. We had a big meeting this morning. I tried very hard not to
think about ground pepper or direct sunlight for the duration of the
procedure.
I don't see what all the fuss was about, frankly. I can still visually
confirm how things are progressing when I'm peeing, if need be.
You learn something new every day.
Well, I've heard it pronounced both ways."
"metallic
I'll see you guys in April. All work and no tasty basted dead animals,
you know how it is. The established rules of grammar are sadly silent
on matters concerning noises to be derived from 'euil' letter
combinations. But they'd take away my weekend warrior card if I walked
out of the gym without some sort of ache, pull, limp, or a hitch in my
giddyup.
I'd better stay home to be safe.
If there's a new prescription drug on the market, run all sorts of
articles about the miracles of that particular drug. There were two
fat-fingered lumps of limb down there, and I had no control over them.
Or what if they do, but you need more of a break? Still, not being
able to recognize people at a glance poses quite a challenge. If I
order all the random Christmas crap I need to give out by the weekend,
it'll be here in plenty of time for the big day.
I'm not looking forward to that.
Meanwhile, the only exercise I got for two full weeks was cramming
food into my gob with one hand, and waving with the other for the
waiter to bring me more.
With nothing to hold onto for balance, I had to make tiny and constant
adjustments at the hips, knees, and shoulders. I'll see you guys in
April. It's a blatant case of corporate ethics gone bad in the
popular. We had a big meeting this morning. I tried very hard not to
think about ground pepper or direct sunlight for the duration of the
procedure.
I don't see what all the fuss was about, frankly. I can still visually
confirm how things are progressing when I'm peeing, if need be.
You learn something new every day.
Well, I've heard it pronounced both ways."
Sunday, December 3, 2006
Overheard at AU
Thug girl #1: What's that song my momma used to sing to me?
Thug girl #2: "Shut Up, Ho?"
Thug girl #1: No....Wait, hey!
--American University Library
Overheard by: Amy!
Thug girl #2: "Shut Up, Ho?"
Thug girl #1: No....Wait, hey!
--American University Library
Overheard by: Amy!
