Anyone who has come to DC and used its Metro system knows of its cleanliness, its efficiency, and its sensitivity to the needs of DC's 40,000-plus hobos.

What few people know about - very few - is that the DC metro system is one of the biggest supporters of endangered whale breeding.

Many have wondered why the DC Metro system's escalators are so long and run so deep. Four of the top five longest uninterrupted escalators are in DC's metro system.

Some would have you believe that these escalators run so deep because DC was built on a swamp and therefore the metro must be deeper underground to avoid cave-ins. However, we believe it to be because Metro architects wished to use the space on the other side of the escalators for an experimental whale breeding program, the likes of which no single institution has ever equaled.

Originally begun years ago to produce black market whale blubber, the program went legit in 1986 when the International Whaling Commission banned the hunting of whales. Since then, the WMATA has been breeding whales strictly for altruistic purposes.

Why the secrecy? Tax status. For now WMATA still keeps its whaling operations covert because it would otherwise have to pay exorbitant taxes under an outdated tax law having to do with animal breeding on the same premises as an institution operating for the purposes of transportation.

You doubt this? How could it possibly be, you say? Exclusively on the Blanket Statement, we have the first in a series exhibits definitively proving the covert whale breeding program. This audio was taken as I was riding the escalator during one night during the mating season: whale sounds

Have more proof? Please share.